Pep up the soiree with a game of ‘Guess the Party Animal’! Whatever the occasion, no respectable ‘bash’ is complete without its menagerie of rare guests, crying out to be classified. Being a show-off Latin scholar, I’ve even added their scientific names…
Gigglum Forte Constantus. No need to consult David Attenborough, the laugh is clearly audible as you get off the Tube. Prosecco in hand, you make a note to self; if cornered by Hyena, discuss the latest hurricane. Anything to avoid the strains of a dining table being dragged across floorboards.
Docilus Nibblae Adnauseum. Beaming up at you, this affable chump will gladly clink glasses and pronounce on the Slough ring-road. But when snacks appear – be they twiglets or olives, kettle chips or vol-au-vents – attention will stray. Emboldened with drool, Labrador bounds off to execute ‘Operation Hoover’.
Two Turtle Doves
Trio Est Crowdum. Joined at the tail feathers, this pair is far too discreet to fraternise. They could be best friends or something more, but what business is that of yours? One flies off to get soft drinks while the other checks out the buffet for lactose. This is a solemn exercise in survival – rather like the well-stocked doomsday bunker at the end of their garden.
Grande indolentus lumpae. Make yourself at home does not mean become part of the furniture! But the more Sloth sinks into that three-seater, the more they seem part of it. As the evening wears on and yet another semi-recumbent drinks order goes in, you start to wonder how this sedentary beast might appear, upright. Alas, you never find out.
Garrulus Smugum Supercilious. Sorry, but Peacock’s super-colourful 3D HD life has so much more cachet than yours! Their gizmos are smarter, their gemstones are larger and this weekend, they’re all to be found on Wimbledon Common flying Lancelot’s new drone! Not if you get to it first with a cricket bat…
Oblivio Misconductus Grossi. The talk of the office party! Having not said boo to a goose all year in its natural habitat (Accounts), this shy and retiring creature is suddenly throwing shapes in a loud shirt and downing Sambucas! Before long, things turn more inappropriate. Beer goggles on, chocks away…crash.